A better plan.

Well here I am, a high school graduate. When people hear that they immediately begin peppering you with "what are you going to do?","Have you decided what your doing for college?". As these types of questions continue to pour in I can almost feel the dark cloud of indecision settling over my head, hanging there ominously reminding me that in a few months I must of made decisions that will very likely decide the course of my life. 

       I am very much that person who always has a plan. It may not be the most thought out or perfect plan, but never the less I cling to the fact that if I mess up I have that backup. I hate huge decisions and I also hate unchangeable things. Things that once done or chosen can never be taken back. As I stand on the brink of this entirely new chapter of my life I feel fear building up inside of me. Fear for what I cannot predict and that I will come to hate the choices I am now making. 

      And what about my ever ready plan, my decisions? I thought I had everything so carefully planned out only to have them all come tumbling down around my ears. My inability to predict what will happen next fills me with fear for my future. How am I to know how to choose my career? Where to go to college? Yes it is a decision that every high school graduate must make. Where to go to college, Whether to go to college, What to major in, whether to add the complications of another's heart to the mix. All of the choices go on. So where am I in all of this? I have no plan, no set out idea of what I'm doing. At this very moment I couldn't tell you what exactly I will be doing in two short months. I am without a plan. I could tell you that I might be here, and I might be doing that, but that could very well change the next day. Does it scare me? Of course it does! 

     You see I' m the kind of person that tortures themselves with all of the negative and frightening "what ifs" of tomorrow if I do not have a plan to follow, an idea of what tomorrow holds. I worry myself until the cloud of depression and doubt hanging over my head has grown into something large enough to generate a small hurricane. If you ask my friends whether I worry about everything they will tell you "yes" with an emphatic nod of their heads. Yes I do worry, every single day, but I have to remember Philipians 4:6-7 which reads " Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known until God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ" He always has a better plan then any one of us could dream of.  I have to remember that when all of mine are crashing down there is another made for me, I just have to listen for it.